Is Katy Perry Finally Single?
I was in my car this morning when I heard on the radio that Katy Perry and John Mayer have finally broken up after two years of being together… I nearly wrecked! Is Katy Perry finally single? The clouds had parted and I saw light for the first time in an otherwise dreary year. I used to be a fan of her ex-husband Russell Brand, until I found out that he was married to my future wife. The nerve of this guy! But after their divorce, he was back in my good graces and I found him delightfully funny once again. ☺
Why Katy Perry Should Marry Me
Well, that the toughest question of all. I’m not rich, I’ve never been judged higher than a solid 3 in the looks department. But I could be to her the one thing that those other guys could not: A dedicated and spineless slave.
I will gladly take any abuse from you, Katy Perry. This is in no way suggesting that you are an abusive person in any way. I am just ready for, ready for… A perfect storm, perfect storm. I won’t so much as whimper if you come home drunk from the bar one night and decide that your foot is the mower and my ass is the lawn. Not only will I be yours unconditionally, but the following will also apply:
- If you are ever in a bad mood and need a punching bag: I will be there.
- If you ever get lonely and need someone to talk to: I will be there.
- If you are ever sad and need a shoulder to cry on: I will be there.
- If you ever just want to be alone and collect your thoughts: I will NOT be there.
- If you ever decide to become a lesbian: I will be first in line at the sex change shop. Yes, I would gladly lop off my junk to make you happy. Because it’s not only in another life that I would be your girl, but in this life, too.
- When you cannot remember the words to a certain song: I will make up better ones for you.
- If you do not like someone: I will relocate them to any undisclosed location of your choosing.
- If you ever “accidentally” kill someone: I will take that shit to the grave and NOT blackmail you.
- If you ever make a mistake: I will accept full responsibility and let you slap me around in front of your peers so that they will see you coming at me like a dark horse.
- Whenever you ever kiss a girl and like it: That is alright in my book!
- If you are ever feeling nostalgic: I will sing you every song from your Katy Hudson album. BONUS: I will even change my name to Katy Hudson and do everything you say so that you can live vicariously through me. This will be easily accepted since my birthday is on the same day as the release date of this album. Not the same year though, that would make you a cradle robber.
- When you go on tour to a different country: I will learn their native language in case you need me to yell at someone.
- If you see expensive jewelry that you want but don’t feel like paying for: I will plan a heist. I’ve seen this done enough in movies; I think I can do this.
- And if you ever wonder if I love your money and not you: I don’t want to kiss your money.
Images of Katy Perry altered with Adobe Photoshop
It may not be as obvious in some of these pics what exactly was manipulated using Adobe Photoshop, so I gave a hint in the tool-tip and caption. I will be adding more photos, manipulated with Adobe Photoshop, of the beautiful Katy Perry as I finish them. I hope you enjoy them! These are only meant as a joke, I never had the pleasure of actually meeting Katy Perry in person…YET! ♥